A Letter To A Friend Before The Life Ends.
Around 11 years past, I had my fourth wedding anniversary and I left her for the best friend. We were enjoying our late 20’s at that time and were going through a crucial, rather difficult phase of our lives. Crucial, since it was containing elements which are still available in one form or the other. I was although linked to my ex wife who moved away, still I was required to move on and that I have chosen too. As the time passed away we got married and lived happily. I had 2 children and my ex too got married later and was blessed with a child.
1 Life is more like a puzzle. I realized when I found myself in a position that is hard to explain…..
In recent times, my wife was detected with cancer. The prediction turned out to be positive and she turned out to be with extreme low spirits. The worst of this entire thing is her cursing for herself that this disease is the result of all pain she gave to her former friend, my ex wife. She feels that it is only the forgiveness of my ex who can save her from the pain of this chronic disease and wash all her sin. I wish I could take her out of all the traumas. But question is HOW???
I was quite assured that I will get a sharp rejection if I approached her. This would make the condition even more fragile and so I was finding it hard to decide what to do.
One of our old mutual acquaintances told me some time back she has taken me and my wife as dead. Don’t really know what to do. She actually owes nothing to me so why would she … All these thoughts and many more were just troubling me and I was like a man walking in the dark with no idea where the road would lead me to.
2 A hand forward… Suggestion for what to do
It’s a real sad story of a wife’s cancer. What an irony. It cannot be so. How can a disease be punishment? Forgiveness is not a magic cure. However these things are understandable. Serious illness and situations makes us realize the rightness and wrongness of our actions. My wife must be heading up the act of 11 years ago. She would be missing the relationship of her best friend. But in contrast to this, the situation of my ex wife would not be this.
To know the real action at the situation of not hurting the emotions, it’s better to focus on practicality of actions.
I was in a dilemma and was finding it hard to know how to get rid of the situation. Fortunately and coincidentally (although it was not fortunate in real sense but other way round) my friend Albert also faced the situation similar to mine. It’s been long time and he is now to some extent stable. I decided to write a letter without wasting any time. As per my belief as soon as he got my letter he reverted back and this was the letter that he wrote to me.
Albert wrote, as per your explanation of the situation, I can sum it up as your present wife want to have forgiveness from your ex wife who was her best friend for her doings. You are afraid that whether she will forgive or not. In case if she does not forgive then what will be its effect on your wife. For this, all you can do is to write all what you feel via letter.
He suggested that I should take an initiative to write a letter to my ex wife. But to see the things on larger view, it would definitely be my wife’s desire to be direct in conversation directly.
Even you can take an initiative to write a letter to your ex wife. But to see the things on larger view, it would definitely be your wife’s desire to be direct in conversation directly.
His letter stated, it might be correct to some extent that you think your ex wife not really owe you anything. Your wife thinks that to write a letter to the former friend and asking for forgiveness to fight against cancer would be a clear transaction. But thinking of the case of rejection, or forgiveness not coming up in the format as you want might be not so good.
3 Can everything be solved via talking???? Sometimes not!!
All your thoughts are concentrated entirely on your wife, since she is the one who has cancer, it is still advised that to look for the impact on your ex too. Receiving a letter from best friend who is ex husband’s wife asking for forgiveness for the past deeds might make her land up in a worse situation. How would you feel if all this makes her feel being forced? Is faux forgiveness correct? In case if your request is rejected, you will definitely feel betrayed but even your ex will not be happy with it. It is wrong to put her in such a dramatic situation even when the forgiveness will not cure the cancer.
Instead of being so much focused to forgiveness, there must be more emphasis on being sorry. Since each relation is complicated, hence they must be carried with care.
To give power to your wife, it must be her initiative to write a sorry letter with asking for forgiveness. This will give her strength and hope to live. Everything should be left on the ex with no force. It should be an apology and not with a motto to get anything in return. As otherwise, it would be something like you are wishing your ex to make the life of you two better and repeating the betrayal all again. It would be like opening an 11 year old closed book.
So take a move to make the things clear and happier.