I’m Sorry Officer, This Isn’t Mine: Lamest Criminals’ Excuses

So they got caught and weren’t smart enough to think of something witty and sharp to get themselves out of the situation. They lied some terrible lies and they are going to be remembered as the dumbest criminals with the lamest excises.

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1 “This prostitute was going to show me where to buy tomatoes!”

Yes, it was an actual excuse, believe it or not. In 2013, UK police discovered a prostitute waiting inside a car. The car’s owner, Muhammad Ikhlaq, was nearby getting cash from an ATM. When questioned, Ikhlaq told cops the money was for tomatoes and that the woman was going to show him a good place to buy them. “I’ve heard some excuses before, but in the 10 years that I have been a police officer I have never heard a of a kerb crawler covering up his crimes by claiming to be buying tomatoes,” Walsall police’s PC Stacey Paterson told the BBC.Ikhlaq was found guilty of soliciting and fined 400 pounds. Now that was a creative answer.

This prostitute was going to show me where to buy tomatoes

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2 “I was looking for members of ISIS”

After being arrested for stealing items from students’ cars at a high school, Lisa Carol Roche, a woman from Mississippi, USA, had a perfectly reasonable explanation – she was searching for members of the terrorist organization ISIS.
Oh dear… The Jackson County Police didn’t buy her story. I mean who looks for ISIS in a high school right? Roche was taken to jail and held without bond pending an initial court appearance.

I was looking for members of ISIS

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3 “Minor pornography on my computer? I didn’t do it, it was my cat”

In 2009, Florida detectives were doing online investigations and discovered that 48-year-old Keith Griffin downloaded over 1,000 pictures of children pornography and inappropriate images. Some of the victims were as young as eight years old. When confronted, Griffin told police that he often left the room whenever he was downloading music, and upon his return, there were these strange images on his computer. He stated his cat would jump on his computer keyboard and download images of children. Yes, he said that. The cat downloaded over 1,000 images, according to his statement – from file-sharing programs! Such a feline prodigy.

Minor pornography on my computer? I didn’t do it, it was my cat

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4 “I’m Mahatma Gandhi’s Incarnation!”

In 2003, Raj Ballabh attempted to kill a man near near Rajghat, New Delhi, India. In his plea, he had no better explanation than saying he was suffering from a delusional disorder that led him to believe that he was an incarnation of Mahatma Gandhi and that he “believed somebody was going to kill him.”

Unlike Gandhi, Raj almost killed someone, so he was sentenced to seven years in jail and a fine.

I’m Mahatma Gandhi’s Incarnation!

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5 “I was going 103mph? I couldn’t tell, I’m dyslexic!”

In 2010, Matthew Cook was spotted speeding a little too much over the allowed road speed. A concerned driver called the police and officers clocked the 40-year-old doing 103mph on a 60mph limit UK road.

When the officers questioned about his driving, Cook claimed he did not realize he was going so fast because he was “dyslexic.” Unsurprisingly, police were skeptical about Cook’s explanation and banned him from driving for three years.

I was going 103mph? I couldn't tell, I'm dyslexic

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6 “Ever since I was scratched by a wolf, I go on the attack when the moon’s out!”

After drinking too much vodka, a man from Ohio, USA, started fighting with people and kicked a dog cage. A few hours later, deputies found him passed out inside a trailer filled with knives, swords and other edged weapons. When asked about the incident, the 20-year-old told Lorain County sheriff’s deputies he had been “scratched by a wolf” in a trip to Germany and now “goes on the attack when the moon’s out.” Police found a passport in his pocket confirming he had visited Germany, so for that part he didn’t lie. Was he really a werewolf or did he had too much alcohol in his system? We’ll never know… but just in case, check twice who is behind you on full moon.

Ever since I was scratched by a wolf, I go on the attack when the moon's out

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